Work Don’t Want Me

So I got sent home today. Four hours at work and home I am. It turned out that after 11:00 the hospital needed less staff (honestly they had been fudging it even before that), so a whole bunch of techs and nurses got the boot. One of the other techs I was working with lived in Pennsylvania and the other rode the bus, which had stopped, so I volunteered…what a nice guy I am.

Since Buzz is off doing the whole goyim Christmas thing, and my health care responsibilities have been curtailed for the evening I figured I might as well make up for THREE MONTHS of blog neglect.

Deep breath…hold it…hold it…and release:

So the Mitchell Report came out a week and a half ago (here’s the 40 page summary), and it was worse then I, or any other real fan of baseball for that matter, had feared.

For those out of the loop, this report by former Senate majority leader George Mitchell, was Congress’s 20 month long official investigation into steroid and human growth hormone abuses in Major League Baseball. And the the official list of those named in the report is:

NEW NAMES

Chad Allen
Mike Bell
Gary Bennett
Larry Bigbie
Kevin Brown
Alex Cabrera
Mark Carreon
Jason Christiansen
Howie Clark
Roger Clemens
Jack Cust
Brendan Donnelly
Chris Donnels
Matt Franco
Eric Gagne
Matt Herges
Phil Hiatt
Glenallen Hill
Todd Hundley
Mike Judd
David Justice
Chuck Knoblauch
Tim Laker
Mike Lansing
Paul Lo Duca
Nook Logan
Josias Manzanillo
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Bart Miadich
Hal Morris
Daniel Naulty
Denny Neagle
Jim Parque
Luis Perez
Andy Pettitte
Adam Piatt
Todd Pratt
Stephen Randolph
Adam Riggs
Armando Rios
Brian Roberts
F.P. Santangelo
Mike Stanton
Ricky Stone
Miguel Tejada
Ismael Valdez
Mo Vaughn
Ron Villone
Fernando Vina
Rondell White
Jeff Williams
Todd Williams
Steve Woodard
Kevin Young
Gregg Zaun

PREVIOUSLY LINKED

Manny Alexander
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Marvin Benard
Barry Bonds
Ricky Bones
Paul Byrd
Ken Caminiti
Jose Canseco
Paxton Crawford
Lenny Dykstra
Bobby Estalella
Ryan Franklin
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Juan Gonzalez
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Jerry Hairston Jr.
Darren Holmes
Ryan Jorgensen
Wally Joyner
Gary Matthews Jr.
Rafael Palmeiro
John Rocker
Benito Santiago
Scott Schoeneweis
David Segui
Gary Sheffield
Derrick Turnbow
Randy Velarde
Matt Williams

Now of course, not all of the people in this list are directly linked to steroids. Derrick Turnbow [of the Brewers in full disclosure], for example, tested positive for an Olympic but not US banned chemical at one point, and a number of them used HGH before it were banned by MLB. Still this is essentially a list of cheaters, in one form or another.

What most people got from the 1994 MLB strike was that baseball players were greedy as hell, but now what are they? Payed a fortune for being the best at what they do, except they’re not, they’re just juiced up. I gotta say this whole thing really tore me up, way more than I would have guessed. Some of these guys: Lenny Dykstra, David Justice, Wally Joyner, Mo Vaughn, for example, were serious heroes of mine as a kid and later. Every team had at least one player named, and every great organization of the last 20 years now has a cloud hanging over it. Thank god I don’t have to explain this one to my kids…

 

 

…or Brittany Spears’s sister getting knocked up either. Wasn’t she the goody-two-shoes character in that show of hers?

“So you see little Allison…some times sweet girls…even though they’re only 16…even though they have 18 year old boyfriends…even though he may face rape charges…when you really love someone…even though her mother let her older sister get breast implants at her age…even though…um…well…you see…when you get older…and obviously mistakes were made…oh hell she’s just a little hussy, and don’t you ever be like her, got it?”

Kinda like watching the “Don’t Smoke” ads from RJ Reynolds isn’t it?

 

 

So poor South Africa is doomed. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts about it. The ruling ANC just elected Jacob Zuma (former Deputy President) as its new head, and the head of the ANC is a guaranteed winner in any national elections. Jacob Zuma is another of those apartheid guerrilla veterans that make up most of the South African government. Unlike the current president Thabo Mbeki, who was educated abroad, Zuma never graduated high school. Last year he was charged with the rape of one of his deceased friends daughters, who he knew to be HIV positive. The court eventually dismissed the charges, mostly because the Public Prosecution Office dragged their feet. Zuma said the sex was consensual and that he took a shower afterwards to ward off HIV infection. At the moment he is being investigated for arms deals in 2005 which is why he was removed from his office in the first place. These charges were originally dismissed last year even though his right hand man was sentenced to 15 years in jail for fraud and corruption for the exact same incidences as Zuma. Supposedly, the Public Prosecutor is nearing another attempt at the corruption charges, but of course now it will just seem like a political stunt. Poor poor SA.

***

 

Care for a band that will knock you freaking socks off? The Thermals, The Body, the Blood, the Machine, has been playing nonstop on our CD player/iPod/Zune for about a month now. Go. Get. It.

Or if you prefer a free song that drills it’s way into your cerebellum, but you know, in a good way, I suggest The Mae Shi’s Run to your Grave. Have I ever mentioned my love of any song with a “clappy part”.

The first of the baby boomers has applied for Social Security, may god have sweet sweet mercy on us all. I vote we raise the retirement age to 150, that’ll show ‘em.

Dave Eggers and Spike Jonze are making the movie version of Where The Wild Things Are. Seriously, is there any possible way this movie will not simply be the greatest thing since sliced bread. “Transforming the 338-word story of Where the Wild Things Are into a 111-page screenplay”. Holy moley, Being John Malkovich meets Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, I think I need to sit down.

On the awesome podcast front, try out The Meth Minute, a collection of cartoon shorts, very nice, very funny.

Two comics for ya’ll:

xkcd – Post office showdown. I totally do this…like all the time…ever prepared am I.

Mac Hall – Yeah That’s Me. Money is such a fluid thing.

In a completely undefinable category, a video that was described as the “worst punishment you could inflict on a hungover person”. The louder you turn the volume the more horrible it is, so there’s that.

And we’ll wrap up this little opus on an “I’m feeling old school” note. These are all classic internet Meme’s and sort of shook themselves out of me in the last week:

Christmas Lights – the original

Evolution of Dance – I guess this also would be an original. This guy is a motivational speaker or something now. Important math lesson, YouTube fame ≠ real fame.

Star Trek the Next Generation Episode Song – Man my inner geek is cool. I’m not saying I could have done the song on my own, but I didn’t have to strain my brain to list the plots of all of them.

Enjoy all your silly holidays people, and some day you’ll see the light and celebrate his grand Pastafarian Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and only then can you be allowed into heaven with its beer volcanoes and stripper factories. Peace.

SamCast Episode 2

I may end up having to reduce the quality of these things a bit if they keep getting longer, otherwise the files are gonna get huge.

Episode 2 of the SamCast

 

 

Bored bored bored bored…

I tell ya what, if it weren’t for sports I’d be in a lot of trouble. As it is, I’ve got football and baseball playoffs (go Rockies) to hold my attention, and I’m still kinda zoned out. Duuuuuuh…

Oh yeah, way to go Springboks! The SA rugby team has made it to the semifinals in the Rugby World Cup and are beating Argentina 24-6 in the 39th minute, so it looks like they’ll be facing England in the finals. Lekker!

A couple of links for ya’ll:

A Google maps app that shows the antipodes of any point on earth. It’s amazing, the entire continental US is smack dab in the middle of the Indian Ocean on the other side of the world, not a speck of land. Weird.

Here’s “One more Cup of Coffee” by Bob Dylan, one of my favorites, performed in Nashville. He was joined on stage by Jack White. Great version of this song but here’s the catch, the video quality is terrible, so don’t even watch it, just open it and then do something else while you listen.

A cappella horses in flash. Hey I said I was bored.

And of course my obligatory link to a Mac Hall comic, “Strike Three”, from their archive. I’ve only got four more of my favorites left.

So mom’s well into her criss crossing transcontinental road trip, and has requested some driving music. I try to give her relatively new music for these mixed tapes, anyone have suggestions? What would your 60 something year old mother like? Gangsta rap? Death metal? Yanni?

SA can’t win for losing…

So a while ago I mentioned that South Africa had been suffering from monster blackouts. Old infrastructure, and that sort of thing, had finally kicked the bucket.

A couple of days ago, Wessel, one of our former housemates sent me an email about the status of the new World Cup stadiums. According to him, SA is several billion rand short of what it needs to complete the five new stadiums for the 2010. To add insult to injury, they have already broken down, or begun refurbishing the old stadiums. So instead of of even having second rate stadiums to fall back on, they have nothing!

Then today I came across this article about the delaying of hospital construction in South Africa because of the World Cup.

BBC.com South Africa’s Hospitals

Poor South Africa! Even if they manage to build these stadiums, and the event happens, and thousands of tourists aren’t mugged or shot, the damage may well have been done. They will be years behind on health care improvements and at this rate, they’ll be lucky to break even on the World Cup. Sigh. Poor poor SA. I’m rooting for you.

End of Part 1 (the serious one)

Part 2 (the funny one)

Some photo’s from the Apple Store in Seoul. You think maybe someone failed to catch this one? Gosh, maybe Apple isn’t quite the people’s company we thought it was. Or then again, maybe it is.

Nazi Statuettes in Apple Store

Here’s an interesting story about a Chicago TV station that got, I suppose, hacked in 1987. I suddenly have a strong urge to interrupt someones regularly scheduled programming. There is a video link at the bottom of the article.

Max Headroom the Hacker?

Crazy photo of a Fred Meyer of all things. And Buzz makes fun of me for getting so easily distracted in supermarkets. Can you blame me? Look at this thing!

Freaky photo of food!

And finally my faithful flock of fiction (?) following family/friends, my absolute nightmare! Perhaps the most horrible thing I have ever seen. Anyone trying to get near my eyes with this thing would have to be hurt…severely. Arrrrgh!

800-lb magnet for your eyes

“[Miyagi karate-chops the tops off three beer bottles]
Daniel: How did you do that? How did you do that?
Miyagi: Don’t know. First time.”

And the clouds parted…and there were bytes and bytes…

Internet! Internet! Sweet, dear, beloved internet! How I’ve missed you!

Oh, and you guys too. I guess. Maybe.

So here I sit, the entire world wide super highway of the tube shaped IntraWeb stretching before me and I seem to have drawn a blank. I’m not quite sure what to talk about. Elizabeth covered the important stuff, right? So what about me? What can I add to the quasi absorbing melodrama (I wish!) that is our lives?

The solution? Steam of consciousness baby! That’s right, my mind commences a’wandering in

5…

4…

3…

2…

So did anyone see that Colts/Patriots game. I had been punished for some unknown offense by having to sit for 4 hours with a mentally unhinged patient (who slept the whole time), and was thus able to watch nearly the whole thing. All in al,l a damn fine game of football. It was gripping and exciting even though I had no real interest in the teams. Good stuff.

Apparently we got out of SA at the right time. There was a monster power blackout on the 18th, with the majority (yes the majority) of the country losing power for most of the day. Apparently the old, run down, decrepit power unit at one station burned out, which caused too much strain on the old, run down, decrepit units at neighboring power stations, thus causing nearly the entire system to collapse. So if California’s brownouts were caused by government deregulation, and South Africa’s blackouts are caused by an archaic government run monopoly, then I find myself confused.

Are there in fact any well run power utilities? Maybe Iceland’s mostly green friendly power industry? Maybe not. I quote from a presentation, by an international alternative energy cooperative on the disadvantages of geothermal power, “Physical effects due to fluid withdraw”.

Read: Earthquakes! Whoops.

On another South Africa note, let’s talk about Johannesburg’s geography. Here’s a picture of a pretty standard suburb of Jo’burg (not my picture).

One of the obvious features of the photo is the hills in the background. Interestingly enough, Jo’burg is completely flat. So what’s with the hills, which by the way are everywhere? Its actually a mine dump. The gold mines around Johannesburg have been running full blast for over a 120 years, and all that dirt had to go somewhere. So they built up, so to speak. The hills are covered with houses, and I guess on a plateau, a view is a pretty popular thing. Crazy, huh?

We might call that all for the day. Being a bit worn from the day’s tribulations, I find myself sorely tested by the brain power this is requiring. I think this calls for some computer games! STAT!

Questions, questions…

Here’s a response to mom’s insanely question packed comment from the last post. I figured most people probably have some interest in the answers.

Is this blog still on SA time?

Actually it still was, I’ve just changed it though.

Are those your new Chanukah Dockers in that photo of you with the Hazel family?

Actually they are. I chopped wood (so they got covered in mud), fired shotguns (so they smelled like gunpowder), and ate southern cuisine (so they got greasy) the first time I wore them. Washed right out, but I suspect my “nice” pant won’t be for long. Thanks a lot though mom.

What were some of your Christmas presents?

I got wonderfully esoteric t-shirts, a book, and a sushi making kit from Eliz’s Dad and stepmother. An electronic baseball game, an awesome “Paris, TN” t-shirt and a stocking full of edibles from her grandmother (though my stocking had no name, since I’m not officially family yet). A fleece, the fourth season of Scrubs, and a stocking full of goodies from her mom. A bottle of Jack Daniels from Peter and Nicole (apparently he chickened out on Jewish Rye bread as a gift :p). A Starbucks card from Aunt Carol. Sweet sweet candy from Mimi.

Where is Amanda’s old place relative to the hospital–drive or walk?

She lives in Mt. Vernon. We actually stayed at her place during our month long bounce around before SA. Definitely a drive. Oh well, I got used to busing when we lived there before. Still, the more permanent solution will be back in Charles Village within walking distance of work. Or maybe DC if Buzz gets the cool job she’s applying for in Bethesda.

Have you called Nunny (that’s my grandmother)?

Just now. Just now.

Do you know yet when you go back to work?

Here’s a really fucking sore subject with me at the moment. When I left, I asked if I had to quit. I was told I didn’t need to, that I could take a leave of absence, and though my position wasn’t guaranteed, I definitely had a spot in the hospital.

So I figured, I’d go to HR on the 26th to work out the details, and then hopefully start the next day. I called my new supervisor when I was still in Nashville, and she said my old position had been filled but was open again, and they totally wanted me back. Cool, right?

So I went into HR yesterday, and was informed that I had been terminated! What! Of course we want you back they said, but you have to reapply. What! So I fill out another application for the exact same job I had!

Last Job: Here

Last Supervisor: This one

May we contact them? Okaaaay…

The HR chump calls me back the next day (because I couldn’t do the interview then), and tells me that she’s sorry I had to go through all that, but my supervisor would like to meet me to go over some changes before I start. Okay, I said, “When?”. January 2nd. What! Oh, and you’ll need to go though your week and a half orientation again. What! I’m really hating my job and I haven’t even started yet. Sigh. Calm. Calm.

What remains for Elizabeth to do at school–and when does the degree materialize–and will there be a commencement ceremony?

Essentially Buzz is done. She submitted her final paper, and is waiting for the final review and edit before resubmitting it for the last time. The commencement isn’t until May though she’s not taking anymore classes.

 

So think that’ll hold you for a bit? Bye bye crew.

I can’t just quit cold turkey…

So, since I don’t quite know what to talk about if its not South Africa, I’m gonna have to ease out of it.

Some stuff from our going away party. You gotta give Anthony credit for being able to squeeze in just about anywhere. Plus a damn fine toast:

And since I’ve got just a whole mess of bandwidth to play with (unlimited in fact), have a nice little video:

GOODBYE PARTY VIDEO!

Have a good day folks!

We made it!

Hellooooooo people! Sitting in Nashville. Missed our connecting flight to Paris on Saturday! Spent 24 hours in a Johannesburg backpacker to take the same Air France flight the next day! Many many issues with SA Airlines and Air France who confiscated our duty free Scotch! Further details to follow. That is all.

Grand Finale!

“I had always loved beautiful and artistic things, though before leaving America I had had a very little chance of seeing any.“
Emma Albani

So we’ve come to that dreaded day. Packing is well under way, cell phone has been sold, gifts are purchased. I’ve kinda been ignoring the whole impending departure so I don’t get too sad, but alas, reality has once again reared its particularly unattractive head. It’s actually a familiar feeling this. I kinda feel like we’re leaving Madison again, and once again (why o why) are headed to Baltimore. But we will definitely be back. I’ve set the World Cup as the absolute latest for a return date. So 3 1/2 years it is.

I really hadn’t put any thought into this post until Robert slid it into one of his comments. So I thought and thought about this thing. Funny? Sad? Wistful? All three? And I guess this thing kind of put itself together via my pictures. So we’ve got serious stuff, and thanks to Photoshop (actually GIMP) there’s a little levity as well. Enjoy.

One of the features we left out was the sheer amount of graffiti in the Namibian Desert:

Baked Crab in Vibrancy

EAH in a Painted Desert

Hawaiian Fire Dancing in Cape Town

Andy Warhol Ash

Moments before Simone put on a Dress…

Thinking/Too Much Work

Look Both Ways

So that’s my collection of entertainment through photo editing. I figured I might round this out with a little bit of Robben Island. It was an extremely depressing island, so I tried to be faithful to that.

Mandela’s Cell in Monochrome

Guard Tower at High Noon

Past in Present

And that’s the photo portion of our tour folks. I noticed Elizabeth went with a top 5 miss/won’t miss list of Cape Town. I’m gonna go for a variation.

One of the most interesting features of Capetonians is their love of digital cameras. They LOVE to have their picture taken, and then see themselves on the view screen. They don’t care who you are, or about the fact that they’ll never get a copy of the picture, they just like posing. Cape Town, and Observatory in particular, is spectacularly diverse. For example, during Obz Fest, I ran into a guy wearing a bright orange Virginia Tech sweatshirt. Assuming he was an American, I ran up and said, “VT’s having a great season, huh?”. He stared at me blankly for a minute and then recognition dawned on him. He answered in a heavy Afrikaans accent, “Oh you mean the shirt? I’ve never been to America, I bought in in Saudi Arabia when I lived there. I just liked the color.”! So there you go, small world.

I was walking around today, finishing up errands, and I went to get on the train at an unfamiliar station. Trying to find the ticket office, I asked one of the security guards for directions. “Oh yeah! Come with me!” she said, grabbed my sleeve and pulled me down the ramp chatting all the while. “How do you like our city? Have you been to Table Mountain? Have you seen the Greenpoint market?”. So apparently I got pegged as a tourist, huh? So down one ramp we go, up another, through a tunnel, up some stairs, through a doorway, right, left, right, and there we are! I thank her for her help, while she asks if I know where I’m going, and how to purchase a ticket. I say yes to both questions, and off she goes grinning and waving goodbye. There really are a lot of very friendly people here.

See ya later Moses. Moses is the parking attendant (self styled) for he Lower Main Rd./Station Rd. intersection. When you go to the ATM, he’ll watch your back to make sure no ones snooping over your shoulder, and always has a smile and a handshake. Be well man!

But alas, the mayonnaise is green! Honest to god green, and it tastes like it too. Public transit is great if you want to travel between 7am and 8pm, and in a straight line, but after that you’re on your own. Good luck with that!

It’s almost impossible to go two blocks without being asked for money at least twice. This gets a little old on my long walks. Two hours of walking and two hundred times, “small change, small change”. Which by the way is total crap, they’re in fact very particularly about the change they get,

“Is this all? What can I buy with this?”.

“Fine then, give it back!”.

grumble, grumble. And they walk away.

But you know what, I wouldn’t trade it for a thing. I’m gonna miss that mountain always looking down on us and boerwors always available (only made me sick once). Farewell to Scrumpy Jack’s, my home away from home, and to $4.50 pizza and a movie nights. Bye bye, 9 Lower Trill Rd. The rooms were small, the mosquitoes terrible, the kitchen couldn’t support half the number of people living there, the showers leaked, the living room was a sauna, there was never enough clothesline space, and our landlady got sketchier by the day. But goddamn I’m gonna miss the joint!

Take care of yourselves Shaan, Ash, Merinda, Simone, Hazel, Anthony, Ian, Kyle, Peter, Wessel, Lulu, Laura, Mandie, Courtney, Bart, Wicke, and yes, even you David. Have fun, stay out of trouble, and watch out for those errant lions! See you in a couple of years SA, you still owe me some laws to break.

“If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.”
Nelson Mandela