Questions, questions…

Here’s a response to mom’s insanely question packed comment from the last post. I figured most people probably have some interest in the answers.

Is this blog still on SA time?

Actually it still was, I’ve just changed it though.

Are those your new Chanukah Dockers in that photo of you with the Hazel family?

Actually they are. I chopped wood (so they got covered in mud), fired shotguns (so they smelled like gunpowder), and ate southern cuisine (so they got greasy) the first time I wore them. Washed right out, but I suspect my “nice” pant won’t be for long. Thanks a lot though mom.

What were some of your Christmas presents?

I got wonderfully esoteric t-shirts, a book, and a sushi making kit from Eliz’s Dad and stepmother. An electronic baseball game, an awesome “Paris, TN” t-shirt and a stocking full of edibles from her grandmother (though my stocking had no name, since I’m not officially family yet). A fleece, the fourth season of Scrubs, and a stocking full of goodies from her mom. A bottle of Jack Daniels from Peter and Nicole (apparently he chickened out on Jewish Rye bread as a gift :p). A Starbucks card from Aunt Carol. Sweet sweet candy from Mimi.

Where is Amanda’s old place relative to the hospital–drive or walk?

She lives in Mt. Vernon. We actually stayed at her place during our month long bounce around before SA. Definitely a drive. Oh well, I got used to busing when we lived there before. Still, the more permanent solution will be back in Charles Village within walking distance of work. Or maybe DC if Buzz gets the cool job she’s applying for in Bethesda.

Have you called Nunny (that’s my grandmother)?

Just now. Just now.

Do you know yet when you go back to work?

Here’s a really fucking sore subject with me at the moment. When I left, I asked if I had to quit. I was told I didn’t need to, that I could take a leave of absence, and though my position wasn’t guaranteed, I definitely had a spot in the hospital.

So I figured, I’d go to HR on the 26th to work out the details, and then hopefully start the next day. I called my new supervisor when I was still in Nashville, and she said my old position had been filled but was open again, and they totally wanted me back. Cool, right?

So I went into HR yesterday, and was informed that I had been terminated! What! Of course we want you back they said, but you have to reapply. What! So I fill out another application for the exact same job I had!

Last Job: Here

Last Supervisor: This one

May we contact them? Okaaaay…

The HR chump calls me back the next day (because I couldn’t do the interview then), and tells me that she’s sorry I had to go through all that, but my supervisor would like to meet me to go over some changes before I start. Okay, I said, “When?”. January 2nd. What! Oh, and you’ll need to go though your week and a half orientation again. What! I’m really hating my job and I haven’t even started yet. Sigh. Calm. Calm.

What remains for Elizabeth to do at school–and when does the degree materialize–and will there be a commencement ceremony?

Essentially Buzz is done. She submitted her final paper, and is waiting for the final review and edit before resubmitting it for the last time. The commencement isn’t until May though she’s not taking anymore classes.

 

So think that’ll hold you for a bit? Bye bye crew.

Home…home on the range…

Picture this one! Twelve hour drive from Nashville, following an 8 am wake up for presents, to make it to breakfast by 9, which started at 11, which was followed by more presents! We got out the door at 2:30 pm CST, and arrived at 3:30am EST.

It than proceeded to piss rain from Nashville to about Knoxville. From Wytheville to Roanoke in Virginia it was crazy fog. You know that kind where you can only see a hundred feet in front of you? Yeah well, I wish we had that! We could barely see 50!

Still, I think flying down the interstate with Flogging Molly blaring out the speakers, and cars and signs sort of materializing out of the fog, is a memory that will probably stick with me for a while. Lekker!

So we spent the the first few days in Nashville recovering from the flight, while going out to see family and friends (oh, and lots of computer games). Here’s a shot of Laurii’s bridesmaids reunion (mostly):

Then on the 23rd we drove up to Paris. We actually got to open presents that day. I can’t believe how many I got! Thank you Hazel family! Here’s Elizabeth and I playing with our stocking stuffers. Plus the obligatory group shot. L to R: Ray, Leesha, Me, Alice (grandmomma), Robert, Betty and Buzz.

We came back to Nashville on the 24th. Here’s the first round of present opening on Xmas day. Buzz, Peter, Nicole (his wife) and Paulette. Its actually an amazingly organized affair. Everyone carefully took turns, and there was no screaming, hairpulling or name calling. I almost didn’t recognize it as a Christmas morning. Not like any I’m familiar with, that’s for sure.

Than came the big Fox family shindig. More food that I had any right to eat! 21 people all opening presents, talking football, and making fun of country music. How much more could you ask for.

All together I had a great time in Tennessesee, and I’m totally glad I could make it. Yaaah!

One last bit. South African piece of minutiae for you. There is only Coke in South Africa, no Pepsi. Why is this you may ask? Several decades ago, Pepsi was in South Africa. During the worst days of Apartheid though, Pepsi (along with hundreds of foreign companies) pulled out of the country in protest. Coke however remained. Not only remained, but put on an amazing PR campaign. They offered all convenience stores free refrigerators for their soda if they promised to only stock Coke products. They also offered any businesses free signs for their stores if it had the Coke logo on it. As a result, every small takeaway place in South Africa has a big red Coke sign with its name on it. Makes it easy to pick them out though. When Pepsi tried to return to SA after the change, they were completely unable to get a toehold, and withdrew again.

Interesting fact. Coca Cola South Africa is the only foreign market that Coca Cola USA still has a stake in. All the rest are franchised.

We made it!

Hellooooooo people! Sitting in Nashville. Missed our connecting flight to Paris on Saturday! Spent 24 hours in a Johannesburg backpacker to take the same Air France flight the next day! Many many issues with SA Airlines and Air France who confiscated our duty free Scotch! Further details to follow. That is all.

Ode to Ash’s Car (at last)

Note: All speeds are in kph. For mph multiply by .62.

***

Wo, to be Ash’s car.

Only the four gears, sorry no fifth, so you can’t go too far.

A 1986 Opel Kadet, but missing the “K”,

So just an “_adet”, how ’bout that wordplay?

Two major accidents, with little repair.

Shaking at 75, rattling at 80, things fall off at 85, if that fast you dare.

At speed on high, the shaking droops the rearward mirror,

Constant attention must be paid to that, oh dear.

Called a Skoro Koro in Xhosa, like something you found.

The front seats forever recline, so to drive you gotta lie down.

Upholstery ripped, torn, burnt and shredded to a tatter.

Can uncomfortably fit six, or two for that matter.

Loose springs in the seat, poke the back and bottom whenever we cruise

Shocks so old, every bump gonna bounce you til you bruise.

Chewed up his treads, used other people’s spare tires,

Of course soon enough, those also were wires.

For years, the gas cap had to be pried,

So Ash carried a spoon for this purpose, inside his ride.

Side mirrors were stolen, big money in that,

But with no way to check, a tow truck hit him in the back.

Parents sent money, so that he could see,

Ash though, never quite saw the need.

The brake lights were broke, and the tail lights as well,

So stopping and going were tricky as hell.

Was Ash bothered by this, no way!

Brother paid to have it fixed, Happy Birthday!

Wires from his security gizmo, hang below the wheel,

It kept the car from starting after accident two, so he “disabled” it, no big deal.

Feeling dizzy after the winelands, stuff’s spinning everywhere,

With these lead gas fumes, felt the same going there.

Rev the motor for 30 secs, or the car just won’t go,

Front door only unlocks from without, how, only Ash does know.

Side window is a pizza box, and the door can’t be opened.

Only one seat belt works, and only with plenty of pushin’ and pokin’.

The antennae’s nowhere to be found, of course,

But with no radio, who needs a source?

An hour’s drive means oil checks, tire kicks, and fingers crossed,

Not nice in the boonies, should you get lost.

Never been serviced, unless something breaks,

“Oil change? What’s that? The car still drives great!”

The muffler fell off, but Ash didn’t feel like stopping,

After all the things lost, what’s another piece dropping?

Can be heard coming…three blocks away,

Gives you plenty of time, to get out of the way.

The car pulls to the left, and sometimes the right,

Listen to him swerve, long after he’s out of sight.

No lock on the right, just a hole in the door,

No need for a key, if your fingers’s not sore.

But you see, Ash’s car they’ll never steal,

For on every exit, he never forgets the Club on his wheel.

So how come dinner takes 3 hours?

So there’s something known here (either with affection or fury) as “African Time”. “African Time” is somewhere between half an hour and three hours later than the time your watch says. This concept is best illustrated by the term “just now”. When we first arrived here, I would ask our housemates when we were going to go out and do some particular thing. They would answer “just now”, which I assumed to mean right now. Wrong! “Just now” means sooner, or maybe later, or when I get around to it, or yeah right that’ll never happen.

“Just now” tends to manifest itself most frequently when you are out for dinner (less so for earlier meals). You are given your menu’s and drinks are ordered quite quickly. After that its about 20-30 minutes till you order. Another 20-30 minutes for your food to come. Let’s say 45-60 minutes to eat (during which time you may see your waiter once). Then another 20-30 minutes after the plates have been cleared to order dessert. 10-20 minutes to eat it, followed by 20-30 minutes to get the check and then have your card swiped. So there you go, 135-200 minutes.

Now some obvious ways to speed this up are: only pay in cash, get the check when you order dessert, and if you really wanna be quick, be a regular and order your food when they take your drink orders.

Before anyone gets on my case here…no I’m not complaining! To South Africans going out is supposed to take a nice long time. Food is enjoyed, bottles of wine (which is always affordable) are enjoyed, and conversation is dragged out for the evening. Essentially, SA has chopped out the “moderate amount of time” dining experience. You either go to fast food or one of the millions of takeout places, or you sit your booty down and have an honest to goodness dinner.

One major failing to this philosphy (as Elizabeth’s mother correctly pointed out), is that the chairs at most restaurants are very uncomfortable. So by the end of the main course everyone is kinda fidgeting from side to side.

One final, as they say, shout out (you really gotta see SA TV to believe it, more on that later). We went to a Belgian restaurant a couple of days ago. I had the MOST amazing cut of beef I’ve ever had, served in a white pepper sauce! It was unfreaking-believablely good! I even sent the waiter to the kitchen to compliment the chef. All for (100/7 = somewhere near) 13 bucks! Yaaaaahh!!!!

Buzz’s mom is here

So Elizabeth’s mom arrived yesterday, but I think I’ll leave family blogging to her.

Rip Roarin’ Nashville

So on Thursday there was a maternal family get together.

The Cousins, left to right: Dana, Braxton, Peter (Elizabeth’s brother), Patrick (top), Laura (middle), Andrea (bottom), Me, and Elizabeth

Betty Kay (aunt)

Carol (aunt) looking very stern

Mimi (grandmother)

Missing are all three uncles, an aunt, and two more cousins.

We had a very nice dinner (I even ate fried okra!), with some of the best non-PC conversation I’ve been privy to in some time. Great time! Anyway, after dinner the cousins and me went out. It ended like this:

Good times, good times. By the way, thanks again Braxton.

This was followed by some late night fence climbing and some late night pool swimming which culminated in some late night sunken wedding ring searching. Fear not readers, the ring, after 2 1/2 hours of mildly inebriated flashlight searching, was recoverd in 30 seconds the following morning.

Which brings us to…

Paternal side, left to right: Betty (stepmother), Robert (father), Grandma, Peter, Beth

You may notice the gash on Elizabeth’s chin. That’s the level of effort she put into finding that wedding ring. Atta girl!

This may be my last post for a couple of days, we leave tomorrow night at 9:30 pm. I’m already tired just thinking about it. Be good folks and wish me sweet dreams on my many flights.

Current Events

So just to bring everyone up to date, we are currently in Nashville, TN. We left Baltimore on August 21st and spent one night in Knoxville with Beth’s brother. This is sort of a whiz bang visit to see her family. Today was one uncle/aunt/cousins, tomorrow is the rest of her mother’s side (I’ll see if I can get a photo of that), father and stepmother are on Friday, and a few repeats on Saturday. We drive to the Atlanta airport after that (about 4 hours), eight hour flight to Paris, eight hour layover, ten hour flight to Johanesburg, hour and a half to get luggage and check in again for hour flight to Cape Town. Score!!!!