So I got sent home today. Four hours at work and home I am. It turned out that after 11:00 the hospital needed less staff (honestly they had been fudging it even before that), so a whole bunch of techs and nurses got the boot. One of the other techs I was working with lived in Pennsylvania and the other rode the bus, which had stopped, so I volunteered…what a nice guy I am.
Since Buzz is off doing the whole goyim Christmas thing, and my health care responsibilities have been curtailed for the evening I figured I might as well make up for THREE MONTHS of blog neglect.
Deep breath…hold it…hold it…and release:
So the Mitchell Report came out a week and a half ago (here’s the 40 page summary), and it was worse then I, or any other real fan of baseball for that matter, had feared.
For those out of the loop, this report by former Senate majority leader George Mitchell, was Congress’s 20 month long official investigation into steroid and human growth hormone abuses in Major League Baseball. And the the official list of those named in the report is:
NEW NAMES
Chad Allen
Mike Bell
Gary Bennett
Larry Bigbie
Kevin Brown
Alex Cabrera
Mark Carreon
Jason Christiansen
Howie Clark
Roger Clemens
Jack Cust
Brendan Donnelly
Chris Donnels
Matt Franco
Eric Gagne
Matt Herges
Phil Hiatt
Glenallen Hill
Todd Hundley
Mike Judd
David Justice
Chuck Knoblauch
Tim Laker
Mike Lansing
Paul Lo Duca
Nook Logan
Josias Manzanillo
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Bart Miadich
Hal Morris
Daniel Naulty
Denny Neagle
Jim Parque
Luis Perez
Andy Pettitte
Adam Piatt
Todd Pratt
Stephen Randolph
Adam Riggs
Armando Rios
Brian Roberts
F.P. Santangelo
Mike Stanton
Ricky Stone
Miguel Tejada
Ismael Valdez
Mo Vaughn
Ron Villone
Fernando Vina
Rondell White
Jeff Williams
Todd Williams
Steve Woodard
Kevin Young
Gregg Zaun
PREVIOUSLY LINKED
Manny Alexander
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Marvin Benard
Barry Bonds
Ricky Bones
Paul Byrd
Ken Caminiti
Jose Canseco
Paxton Crawford
Lenny Dykstra
Bobby Estalella
Ryan Franklin
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Juan Gonzalez
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Jerry Hairston Jr.
Darren Holmes
Ryan Jorgensen
Wally Joyner
Gary Matthews Jr.
Rafael Palmeiro
John Rocker
Benito Santiago
Scott Schoeneweis
David Segui
Gary Sheffield
Derrick Turnbow
Randy Velarde
Matt Williams
Now of course, not all of the people in this list are directly linked to steroids. Derrick Turnbow [of the Brewers in full disclosure], for example, tested positive for an Olympic but not US banned chemical at one point, and a number of them used HGH before it were banned by MLB. Still this is essentially a list of cheaters, in one form or another.
What most people got from the 1994 MLB strike was that baseball players were greedy as hell, but now what are they? Payed a fortune for being the best at what they do, except they’re not, they’re just juiced up. I gotta say this whole thing really tore me up, way more than I would have guessed. Some of these guys: Lenny Dykstra, David Justice, Wally Joyner, Mo Vaughn, for example, were serious heroes of mine as a kid and later. Every team had at least one player named, and every great organization of the last 20 years now has a cloud hanging over it. Thank god I don’t have to explain this one to my kids…
…or Brittany Spears’s sister getting knocked up either. Wasn’t she the goody-two-shoes character in that show of hers?
“So you see little Allison…some times sweet girls…even though they’re only 16…even though they have 18 year old boyfriends…even though he may face rape charges…when you really love someone…even though her mother let her older sister get breast implants at her age…even though…um…well…you see…when you get older…and obviously mistakes were made…oh hell she’s just a little hussy, and don’t you ever be like her, got it?”
Kinda like watching the “Don’t Smoke” ads from RJ Reynolds isn’t it?
So poor South Africa is doomed. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts about it. The ruling ANC just elected Jacob Zuma (former Deputy President) as its new head, and the head of the ANC is a guaranteed winner in any national elections. Jacob Zuma is another of those apartheid guerrilla veterans that make up most of the South African government. Unlike the current president Thabo Mbeki, who was educated abroad, Zuma never graduated high school. Last year he was charged with the rape of one of his deceased friends daughters, who he knew to be HIV positive. The court eventually dismissed the charges, mostly because the Public Prosecution Office dragged their feet. Zuma said the sex was consensual and that he took a shower afterwards to ward off HIV infection. At the moment he is being investigated for arms deals in 2005 which is why he was removed from his office in the first place. These charges were originally dismissed last year even though his right hand man was sentenced to 15 years in jail for fraud and corruption for the exact same incidences as Zuma. Supposedly, the Public Prosecutor is nearing another attempt at the corruption charges, but of course now it will just seem like a political stunt. Poor poor SA.
***
Care for a band that will knock you freaking socks off? The Thermals, The Body, the Blood, the Machine, has been playing nonstop on our CD player/iPod/Zune for about a month now. Go. Get. It.
Or if you prefer a free song that drills it’s way into your cerebellum, but you know, in a good way, I suggest The Mae Shi’s Run to your Grave. Have I ever mentioned my love of any song with a “clappy part”.
The first of the baby boomers has applied for Social Security, may god have sweet sweet mercy on us all. I vote we raise the retirement age to 150, that’ll show ‘em.
Dave Eggers and Spike Jonze are making the movie version of Where The Wild Things Are. Seriously, is there any possible way this movie will not simply be the greatest thing since sliced bread. “Transforming the 338-word story of Where the Wild Things Are into a 111-page screenplay”. Holy moley, Being John Malkovich meets Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, I think I need to sit down.
On the awesome podcast front, try out The Meth Minute, a collection of cartoon shorts, very nice, very funny.
Two comics for ya’ll:
xkcd – Post office showdown. I totally do this…like all the time…ever prepared am I.
Mac Hall – Yeah That’s Me. Money is such a fluid thing.
In a completely undefinable category, a video that was described as the “worst punishment you could inflict on a hungover person”. The louder you turn the volume the more horrible it is, so there’s that.
And we’ll wrap up this little opus on an “I’m feeling old school” note. These are all classic internet Meme’s and sort of shook themselves out of me in the last week:
Christmas Lights – the original
Evolution of Dance – I guess this also would be an original. This guy is a motivational speaker or something now. Important math lesson, YouTube fame ≠ real fame.
Star Trek the Next Generation Episode Song – Man my inner geek is cool. I’m not saying I could have done the song on my own, but I didn’t have to strain my brain to list the plots of all of them.
Enjoy all your silly holidays people, and some day you’ll see the light and celebrate his grand Pastafarian Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and only then can you be allowed into heaven with its beer volcanoes and stripper factories. Peace.
